The star was rushed away, calling for an emergency tailor and a copy of Top Gun.
In other news, the Pope does indeed shit in the woods.
A delivery man was spotted knocking at the glass doors of the DC building, gazing into the empty foyer and coughing through a strange cloud of dust.
"I just decided to bite the bullet and focus on what I always wanted to focus on: me."
A line from Frances McDormand's Oscar acceptance speech will be used by Oprah to convince voters to simply follow whatever Meryl does.