I really hate romantic, emotional movies. Like, seriously, why do people like this kind of stuff? It’s honestly so boring and over-earnest and I would be able to describe even more how much I hated it if I didn’t have something in my eye throughout the whole thing.

A Star Is Born is no exception, yet another addition to a genre of totally forgettable movies that try too hard to affect you emotionally, forgetting what we all know makes movies awesome like guns and Tarantino dialogue.

In a weird strategy to accompany the release of this Lady Gaga vehicle, it seems the studio has employed somebody at every screening to cut onions right in front of me and every other man dragged along to see it.

This onion technique is arguably a unique cinematic experiment, but like kind of annoying anyway don’t look at me haha how about that game last night hey.

The story of A Star Is Born is simple and dull and I didn’t pay much attention honestly. Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper have no chemistry, and I’ll write more about this in an upcoming blog/fanfic post next week. I’m listening to the soundtrack again as I write this and I still can’t figure out why I dislike it so much.

I am perplexed that people continue to pay good money to see this movie. I myself was so puzzled that I went back to see it three times, you know, to try to figure out why, for like research or whatever. I still haven’t figured it out, but hopefully after a few more watches it will become clearer to me.

Hopefully I am able to get to a screening without onions, but if you see me with red eyes that’s definitely what it was.