US President Donald Trump has been informed that despite his administration’s new policy of separating immigrant families at the border, his own two least favourite children Eric and Donald Jr remain annoyingly in his life.
Trump has reportedly been attempting to find a get out of jail free card so he never has to see Eric or Donald Jr again, but sources say ICE agents briefed him yesterday that he will have to keep trying.
The US recently began detaining and forcibly separating undocumented immigrant children from their parents at the border as a way to deter illegal immigration.
“People are less likely to immigrate to the United States if they can’t find employment, welfare or their children,” said Attorney-General Jeff Sessions.
“It’s called trickle-down immigration. The trauma caused now will trickle down through future generations, discouraging illegal immigration for years.”
US Attorney-General Jeff Sessions
However, the policy has drawn criticism from the international community.
Australian Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton looked shocked when he learned of it.
“Jesus, really? They’re taking their kids away? At least we lock families up together,” he said while temporarily appearing in his human form this morning.