In an unprecedented act of national fortitude, the US public has joined together in a statement urging North Korea to take any action necessary to prevent a nuclear war that would inevitably lead to the construction of a President Trump War Memorial statue in Washington.
“The construction of a monument like that would prove almost as destructive to national spirit as nuclear fallout.”
The petition pleads with DPRK Leader Kim Jong-Un to not act rashly in his dealings and diplomacy with President Trump in the next few days.
“We know Kim Jong Un is a glorious leader who cares immensely about the health and well being of ordinary people. It is essential for the prosperity of both our nations that nuclear war and tasteless statues are avoided at all costs.”
Yesterday North Korea confirmed that it had tested a powerful H bomb at the weekend and announced via its Glorious Wireless Telegraph News Service that it now had the capacity to build a long range ICBM with the potential of reaching the cities the US cares the least about.
Regardless, scholars agree that any kind of conflict with North Korea would inevitably lead to the construction of a Trump statue.
“It is essential for the prosperity of both our nations that nuclear war and tasteless statues are avoided at all costs.”
“To consider the thought of a war memorial in our nation’s capital dedicated to President Trump is unbearable. The construction of a monument like that would prove almost as destructive to national spirit as nuclear fallout.”
“Also a statue would last far longer than thirty years.”
Likely designs for the memorial have been leaked to the media, including a shirtless Trump riding a missile like a stallion and a simple addition of a hunched statue of the president looming over Abraham Lincoln’s shoulder.