Climate scientists add snooze button to doomsday clock

The UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has thrown in the towel and decided to add a snooze button to the doomsday clock so it’s easier for the public to keep ignoring their alarms.

Yesterday the IPCC released their latest annoying warning about the predicted effects of man’s carbon emissions on the Earth’s climate, to the collective groans of sleeping populace worldwide.

“Just five more minutes,” the drowsy public was heard mumbling. “I mean, years.”

“You said that five years ago,” the more than 90 scientists replied disapprovingly.

The IPCC report sounds the alarm that the world’s carbon emissions must be almost halved by 2030 and eliminated completely by 2050.

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!” the report says in its conclusions.

The doomsday clock has been set for one minute to midnight for a few years, but the IPCC added the snooze button after their last few alarms have been unconsciously knocked off the bedside table.

“The pubic were never actually going to wake up anyway,” an IPCC spokesman said while packing a hiking bag full of seeds, grains and tinned tuna.

“This way the alarm will keep going off automatically without us but the public can keep hitting snooze as many times as they like.”

Then, with a final “good luck”, the IPCC closed the door to their underground ark in Switzerland.

Advertisements