After Vladimir Putin’s greatest ever electoral win yesterday, one of his major rivals has accidentally died in totally unsuspicious circumstances.
Russian media is reporting that Boris Kuznetsov was testing out a new pair of concrete boots when he accidentally fell into the harbour on the outskirts of town.
“Russia mourns this loss of a great man,” Putin said in a statement today.
“It is a reminder to all of us to be more careful,” Putin added meaningfully, staring straight down the lens.
An investigation is yet to be completed, but it is understood that Mr Kuznetsov drove himself to the abandoned industrial docks to test a newly bought pair of shoes made from concrete.
This is when he put on a blindfold and tragically fell into the harbour. He did all of this while wearing gloves and leaving no fingerprints.
Despite being a vocal critic of Putin, after Mr Kuznetsov’s death the Russian president has wasted no time in offering his sincere condolences to his family and colleagues.
“The saddest part of this story is this was an accident that he could have avoided very easily,” Putin said, “if he had just made different choices.”