In this exclusive interview with Immigration Minister Peter Dutton, we ask the guy who puts the man back into human rights abuse exactly how he sleeps at night.

Me:

Minister Dutton, Manus Island detention centre officially closed a few weeks ago, and despite worldwide condemnation and worsening conditions for the men imprisoned there, you have still refused to resettle or even process them in Australia. Tell me, how do you sleep at night?

Minister Dutton:

That’s an interesting question. I actually recently have got into the last season of The Block, which has some great tips on interior design and furnishing. I personally own a coffin which I have haphazardly hammered rusty nails into. This works quite well for me.

Me:

Fascinating. Today PNG police raided Manus Island, forcing men out onto buses and to unknown locations. Award winning journalist Behrouz Boochani was arrested for no apparent reason, and video has been leaked of others collapsing and fainting while peacefully resisting removal. Does this affect your sleep?

Minister Dutton:

[laughing] No I think I sleep quite well regardless. In fact, I have recently got into the habit of playing those leaked videos while I settle into my bed of rusty nails, and I find this really helps.

Me:

Do you have any lifestyle advice for those who are just starting to look into defying international law on human rights on how they can get a good night’s sleep?

Minister Dutton:

I think for me the key is consistency. You got to make sure that no matter what happens, you stay true to your values and just sleep it off. Sometimes New Zealand is going to threaten a good night’s sleep by offering to care for the refugees with no strings attached, but you have to remember that nobody is going to look out for your health but you. Ignore the critics, or the UN, or the public, or your conscience, or Russell Crowe, or whoever, and get a good 8 hours so you can wake up refreshed to do it all again tomorrow.

Me:

Final question, how do the men on Manus Island sleep at night?

Minister Dutton:

No idea.