LGBTI people all over the country have agreed to let Bob Katter reclaim the word “gay” in return for pretty much all pop culture and technology he has set eyes on.
Rural MP Bob Katter came out [sic] this morning, saying that he wants to use the word as it was in the past.
UN Ambassador For The Gays Kylie Minogue responded to Mr Katter’s request this morning after holding an emergency caucus.
“We are happy for Bob to use the word gay to only mean happy and frivolous. All we ask in return is that he gives us back what was ours.”
Kylie Minogue, UN Ambassador For The Gays
The list of demands from the gay community include the complete works of major literary and artistic figures of all time, including Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolfe, Walt Whitman, Truman Capote, Andy Warhol, Queen and basically Katter’s entire record cabinet.
Alan Turing, recognised as the father of computers, was found guilty of homosexuality and forcibly underwent chemical castration.
“If Mr Katter feels that strongly about it then we are happy to provide him with an Enigma machine so he can start the computer industry from scratch again.”
“Hell, if he does that we’ll even throw in the right to arseless chaps for him too.”
Katter, the federal MP for the seat of Kennedy in Queensland, has a history of troubling comments about gay people, having previously suggested that didn’t think there were any in his electorate at all.
“I just look back on times when men were men, you know like Rock Hudson or that guy who plays Barney in How I Met Your Mother.”
Mr Katter was seemingly puzzled by the gay community’s request when asked this afternoon, saying that they are being too sensitive.
“In the past ‘faggot’ didn’t even mean ‘homosexual’. It’s just what they called the wood that they would burn homosexuals on.”