Report: 50% of men in media absolutely shitting themselves right now

A Channel Nine opinion poll of men working in the entertainment industry has found that about half of them are absolutely shitting their pants today.

After numerous accusations of sexual misconduct against TV legend Don Burke surfaced today, the consensus among many men in the film, TV and media industry is that now is an appropriate time to crap their pants and call a defense lawyer.

With many calling this Australia’s “Harvey Weinstein” moment, there has been the promise of many more abusers in the industry being outed over the coming weeks and months.

“We want all male employees of Channel Nine who are shitting their pants at the prospect of having their behaviour exposed to approach us for support.”

Channel Nine spokesman

Journalist Tracey Spicer says she has had hundreds of accusations against 65 men reported to her since she began investigating this topic a few weeks ago, or twenty years ago in Twitter time.

“This is a real wakeup call for all men,” a representative for Channel Nine commented on the poll. “We want all male employees of Channel Nine who are shitting their pants at the prospect of having their behaviour exposed to approach us for support.”

“It’s a difficult time for everyone who is about to be outed,” he went on.

HR managers across the major networks have reported nearly all male high profile producers and executives called in sick to work today, citing unusual bowel motions after hearing the news. Other commentators have come to Don Burke’s support.

“It would be a shame if we were to cancel all reruns of Burke’s Backyard just because of these accusations,” Sky News host Andrew Bolt said in response today. “We should be able to separate the garden from the man.”

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